The art of being alone.

23 09 2008

I propah, one of my cousin are suffering from the act of deserting herself from the community = absolute loneliness. During berbuka puasa yesterday, I tried to approach her, just to know how is she doing since she keeps more things to herself lately. However, she refused to tell. I gave her my two cents, propah sikit-sikit and she nodded.

I think there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely – but that our society and culture don’t do a good job of separating the two. The fear of being alone stings us most deeply in our intimate relationships; it’s hard to give yourself over completely when you fear losing your partner and being alone.

Take a look around you. Many people fear being alone in a restaurant or in a movie theater. Many people won’t even go shopping alone. Our culture frowns upon the alone, and thus, many of us avoid solitude – either in public or in private – at all costs.

Don’t get me wrong: sharing an experience with another human being is fantastic, especially when you and that other person have a close relationship. But often times, people share an experience with another human being just for the sake of having someone around. Just for the sake of filling the quiet. Just for the sake of not being seen as undesirable in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.

I know this all too well. Until recently, I’ve found myself reluctant to eat in restaurants alone or to watch a movie in the theater by myself. I told myself that those activities are social activities and that I need to share those experiences with someone else. Of course, this is untrue.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that it’s better to spend high-quality time alone than low-quality time with someone else. Hanging out with someone with whom you don’t have a particularly fulfilling relationship just for the sake of filling the void isn’t high-quality time. On the other hand, spending time with yourself, nurturing the most important relationship you’ll ever have (that is, your relationship with you), is time well spent.

I was very much aware that I was making a choice to spend high-quality time with myself rather than low-quality time in the company of other people with whom I didn’t have a close connection. Of course, I still enjoy spending time with close friends – but I have a new found appreciation for my time alone.

Indeed, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. And until we realize the difference between the two, we’ll be destined to lives and relationships undermined by fear.

Just my two cents.

Ted Baker




4 responses

23 09 2008

dulu yes.. now i’m comfortable with it.
being alone make you stronger and survival ok..

tetiber lompat2 cam destiny child.. huhuhuhu

23 09 2008
Faisal Admar

Agree with you sometimes people get confused with alone and lonely. I am not alone now, but yes I am lonely… now for the sake of someone needed around me but for the sake of the true love. I keep in my mind that love is always in the air… but counting the days never easy for me… never!

23 09 2008

Yes Ted, entry ini pulak berjaya membuat mak mengelap air puki ku ops!!! Matilah komen locah di blog org. I really enjoy being alone. I really love my “ME” time. I get to know myself la basically, analyze myself, my strength and weakness bla bla bla. I am comfortable makan kat restoren alone, shopping alone and Watching movies alone. Especially shopping la, nan ado anasir luar yg mempengaruhi mak bila membeli sesuatu. Duit pun jimat gak ahaks. Bila makan pun tak yah nak coverina bagai kan nok, aku boleh jadi pelahap ke nak jadi LAHA pun boleh…. Paling best bila tengok movie, if the movie sucks you dont blame anyone but yourself!!!!

25 09 2008

oooooooooh i love this entry 🙂

i just realise that being alone and being lonely. i am pretty much a being alone kind of guy, but after a relationship where i was surrounded by people all the time, and then i got out of that relationship, i suddenly felt lonely. then i gradually snapped back out of it and remembering all the good time of being alone. i can go anywhere, eat anywhere, shop anywhere, have s.. i mean dates with anyone.

its less complicated when you only have yourself to take care off.

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