Ayah masuk hospital.

1 09 2008


Aku dah bersiap-siap nak balik kampung, nak melawat ayat tapi ayah berkeras suruh jangan balik. Katanya, dah OK. Sebenarnya dah 3 hari ayah masuk hospital. Tapi ayah OK OK aje.
He is doing well actually. He has complication with his heart. Always had. It’s been 10 years since ayah had his operation. The last operation ayah had was in Selangor Medical Center, Shah Alam. I was in form 4 at that time. Now, ayah did his routine check-up at HUSM, Kubang Kerian and KBMC. It was a routine check-up when the doctor found some sort of fluid in his heart and he was detained for further rounds. My sis called me up and break the news. If it was ayah, he wouldn’t tell. That’s the way it is. Maybe he wanted me to think of him as the old tough man he used to be. Not anymore ayah. You are 71yo this year, 72yo in 5 months.

He is soooo actively active. Ayah still goes to kebun. We have every kind of Malaysian fruit punya kebun.. Manggis, duku, pisang.. Apatah lagi durian… He loves it there (there I mean Kuala Krai, 60KM from Kota Bharu, where he build 70% out of of his property) and there is nothing that ibu (or me) can say to stop things he likes to do. He still smokes (and of course the raised of excise duty on cigarettes are now 18 cents per stick has no effect on him what so ever). Pedulik apa dia, dia ada duit. So how?!?.

There is nothing that I can do about it. One of the hardest thing in the world to do is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s best not to say anything if you’re not going to improve upon the silence.The only thing I could (and had) done is just follow things he always wanted a son to follow; to study and earn the highest possible academic qualifications. He wanted me to take my Masters asap next year and PHD right after. I will obey, not because I love books, but of course because I love my ayah. If it means, the purpose of me living, is to please ayah, then let it be.

It occurred to me that the purpose of life is much simpler. The purpose of life is to be. You are fulfilling your purpose just by existing. Your purpose is to experience the world and the universe in your own unique way. Your experience of the universe is your purpose. By going to school, by going to work, by engaging in your relationships and by seeing the universe through your eyes, you are serving your purpose. By sleeping late, by idling – even by doing nothing, you are living out your purpose.

But what I’m suggesting is even grander. There are lots of heroes and leaders and such. But there is only one you. You are the only person that can experience the universe like you do. Even if you live out your life in a cold, dark cave, you will have served your purpose – for no one can see the world like you. You’re the rarest of the rare. You’re the only one that will ever be as you are.

I can never be like my KB, Arep because he is what he is. I might not be able to go to the UK to do what he will be doing in October. I can never be as brilliant as Juey. I can never be as rich as Kak Ini, owned her own boutique and jewellery store. I can never be a celebrity, being praised by fan. I may not be able be as good looking as my sayang…. But then again, who knows? I do not have the key of the future and everything that had happened are pretty awesome. There are things I am not comfortable with; dog’s, privacy etc, but no one said you can have it all. You can’t.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having high hopes and big dreams. The real problem isn’t dreaming big and missing, it’s aiming low and achieving. I’m convinced that impossible doesn’t exist. There are too many miracles and too much magic.

Do we really need to manipulate every aspect of our world in order to feel in control? No, you don’t have to. Sometimes, it’s best to work at your best and leave the rest to God.

Oh, this is what I love about Ramadhan. I can think clearly. I can be optimistic because there is no devil to influence us not to be.

When you think of what you can’t do, you set limits on yourself. You are the universe. You can shape it and create it. The only limit is your imagination. That’s what ayah thinks and he made it big. Really big.

Ted Baker

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6 responses

1 09 2008
Faisal Admar

I hope your ayah will get well soon. I have problem advising my abah too as he is a heavy smoker which really worry me.

But as you said, they won’t care even though they have been advised by doctors then do you think our advice will be listened? Instead of create frown on his face or a little quarrel, I prefer to stay silence. I could only feel sad from far… look at him and his smoking habit. I really hate cigarette as right now I feel like burning the whole damn factory!

I guess there is something not right in your mindset. I’m not being a smart ass but just think that you shouldn’t put the mindset that you will do your master and phd for the sake of you abah. You should also think of your future instead of abah. He chooses what he thinks the best for you and actually it’s the best for you.

Selamat berpuasa Ted 🙂

1 09 2008
Arep

Sabaq la u. Semua akan ok. Insyaallah. Kita usaha stkt mampu and the rest leave it to Allah. I pun tak la sehebat mana pun. Still a lot of things to b done and accomplished. I like the fact that the older we r the wiser we’ll b. Its shows.

2 09 2008
hazel

semoga ayah cepat sembuh. kadang diaorg cakap jgn balik, tapi bila kita balik, diaorg akan hepi sesangat.

2 09 2008
khairul

salam ted….
salam ramadhan gak ye….
moga tabah hadapi ujian
moga ayah cepat2 sembuh k

2 09 2008
joe

salam…
be patient…hope that ur dad will get well soon…& happy Ramadhan to u…

5 09 2008
love-n-hate

heyya…

get well soon, ayah… me myself had the same thing… I’ve finished my studies… my masters… for my ayah! I study because of him and to please him… I thought only me that had this kind of things with family… I will study for my ayah again next year… my PHD… huhuhu

que sera sera… whatever will be, will be!

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