Chill, please

15 08 2008

Yay! Esok balik kampung, tiket dah habis jadi I drive aje. Adik I balek terus dari KL dan kami jumpa di kampung aje.. Banyak program kat kampung ni, nak jumpa Su Allen, nak makan-makan buah, melawat kebun, survey few things.. Hmm…. best!!!

Eh macam-macam la yang berlaku sekarang ni! Pening tau! Sedat tak kadang-kadang memang kita terpaksa mengalah juga untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang terbaik. Berapa ramai antara kita yang memaksa diri untuk bekerja sehari-hari? Tak ada pilihan kan? You gotta do, what you gotta do. But if you have choices, then used it. It’s nothing wrong. Especially if your boss agreed to it. Bagi I, I tak rasa itu kegagalan.. I memang jenis yang tak suka paksa diri kalau tak boleh buat. I rasa macam merendahkan potensi diri.

One more thing, have you ever had one of those moments that you realize that you are bored with your life? I am having one of those moments now. With sermons and small groups the past few weeks being on changing your life and how to get out of ruts, I have realized that I am stuck in a rut. Even though im constantly going and doing many different fun things, I have become stuck in the scary rut of life.

The one you rarely realize you are in. The rut where you realize that you are so caught up in living that you forgot what you are living for. Allah S.W.T has been my focus but sometimes it feels like I am so caught up in living for Him that I forget to put Him first. I know crazy, right? But then if you think about it, it happens to the best of us. Bila dah sedar, kita berubahlah. I bukan alim pun, tapi I sentiasa cuba untuk tidak buat jahat kepada orang lain, sentiasa bersangka baik kepada orang lain. I tak suka ambil tahu hal orang lain dan I tak suka konflik. Benda yang senang, kenapa nak disusahkan?

The last few weeks I’ve been through a bit of an emotional breakdown – I think that’s the best way to describe it – a major meltdown. The reason’s of which have already started to fade, but it brought me to a realization in the bath that I want to change my life. I want to re-invent myself completely. I don’t reckon myself as a failure. I think, one is a failure when he/she has bad social interaction with their colleague, LIKE YOU DID (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). YOU ARE A FAILURE IF YOU THINK ITS ONLY ABOUT YOU AND HOW OTHER PEOPLE FELT ARE LESS MATTER. THAT’S A FAILURE BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT A GOOD SOCIAL INTERACTION WITH YOUR COLLEAGUE IS A MAJOR COMPONENT IN ONE’S WORK. It’s a circle.

I do no have any of those problem, Alhamdulillah. Maybe because I am generally approachable and I respect people for so many reasons. I don’t go and seek for a fight, but if u want a rumble for no reason, I will stand for myself. If I am not good at something, I would seek help. It it helps, then fine, if it wasn’t, then move on!

Today, one of the senior colleague came to me and she was supposed to do the changes. She asked me whether I am sure with what I am doing. It was not a personal attack and I’m quite sure she has good intention (maybe, I bukan ahli nujum, mana I tahu niat dia). She said if she were me, she would stay as the way things are. Of course, she does not know me. She has the idea of me running away from problems. Err… excuse me, I have dealt things worst! Familly, friends.. I accept criticism, but everything I did, I must surely have the reasons. Im rather indipendent, I don’t go and spread my problems. I will change it on my own, if I can’t. then I seek help.

I told her that I have my own potential and if I am not excelling in my current one, then I should be given a chance to move forward and try something new, something else. She told me that I will be facing the same task in 2009, ….You don’t know that!? You are not God!

If Allah S.W.T has faithed me to be in that rut, then fine. But Allah S.W.T has given me a choice now and I felt blessed. Senang kata, selama ini, Allah S.W.T memang dah permudahkan hidup I, berkat doa ibu dan ayah jugak. I bersyukur sangat-sangat dengan rezeki yang I dapat sekarang.

Seriously, if my boss were’nt keen on the idea, that would be fine too, I would accept and I would not change any of it and all I can do it to bare with it. Now that he has agreed, then it should be fine. I apologize for the extra works I put her through, but that is your job scope aite? Haha… Kelakarlah how that turns out to be.

Sejak kebelakangan ni, I’ve stopped trying harder because sometimes all you need is faith to what Allah S.W.T has planned for you.

.. And everything that happened, must have it reasons… Ia tak berlaku secara kebetulan, ingat tu!…..

Ted Baker

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2 responses

15 08 2008
areps

i x mampu nak taip 1000 pp ..

16 08 2008
love-n-hate

hahahha areps… 🙂

nice ramblings… you should do this often… 🙂
that’s life lah!!! why change others… change diri sendiri sudaaa…

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