19 07 2008

I simply cannot be contrained. And that worries me sometimes. Do I need to rebel, just for that sake of rebelling? I rebelled when I was very young. I never enjoyed something like I supposed to. Am I a sad, sad person?! They only time I enjoyed myself is when I go out shopping, dine at some fancy place, watched a movie and oh oh, when I did my practical training at Bernama. Oh I miss those days. Really makes u superficially important. Yessahh!And yes, xxx too… I love XXX!

7 months and just today, I finally had some piece of it. It’s amazing how kisses and cuddle could make up to u. And I can’t believe it’s over. Well, that and the exams. But we all know that doesn’t matter much. For now, it’s time to breathe again. It seems strangely odd though that there appears to be nothing else to do but wait for a job.  But we all know that doesn’t matter much either.

I actually do feel worried for this semester. But let’s not think about it for now and be happy.  In 2 days my life will be completely change. I will be facing stuff, good and bad stuff, good students, bad students. Hatefull colleague. Speaking of one, some people are just plain hopeless. They never wanted to make any sacrifice, even if it’s for their own well being. Seriously, I’m not going to follow you, it’s the other way around dude.

And now I’m just furious. And in gaping awe. I don’t even know if it’s alright now. It sorta never fails, that when you’re in a crunch and in need of help, you think you’d get that bit of help from someone you trust. Or at least the assurance that hey everything will be alright…you can do it. But you just don’t receive that assurance. Gone.

It’s never ever easy to ask for help, or to admit vulnerability that something isn’t going right. Well for me at least. But people seems to be taking advantage of me. So when it’s shown, it does means something. And I don’t ask for much. If you brush it away, then that’s disappointing. And you give up asking for help. Once is enough to feel insignificant. Life sometimes can be such a mess. But Ayah, as far as i can remember, he always do things in full force. That’s what makes him rich. Money and knowledge. And I wanted to be like him. He raised us well, better then his siblings of course. They always say it’s when at your worst and times of need, that you know who cares and who doesn’t. Ahh I say who cares? Trust in Allah S.W.T, yourself and your family. That’s all you got. And shopping complexes for your my retail therapy.

Allrighty bitches! Don’t blame me for being angsty/bitchy for the next 2 months. I’ll be fine after…I’m always fine after, you realize?

Ted Baker




2 responses

20 07 2008
Faisal Admar

Back to the basic — Pray to God.
I don’t really depend on people in solving thing or whatever I do… simply because I don’t trust people. I don’t look down on them but for many times I experience the same thing… either they are taking advantage or there is a hidden agenda. So, as long as I can solve thing on my own… I just do it myself. If it is wrong decision… its me who got the blame and I won’t regret. I had a best friend… no more. Yes I use had.

20 07 2008

hey cikgu!… selamat yer esok!… 🙂 winkwink

Sacrifice ain’t easy… we can’t ask people to sacrifice… it comes naturally 🙂
Same like empathy… we can’t ask or teach someone to empathy… it too comes naturally…

If you can sacrifice… at least for your own well-being… that’s good enuff!!! Then, we can sacrifice to help others… macam you lah… cikgu… cikgu kan lilin, membakar diri sendiri utk menerangi orang lain… hmm, very popular waktu sekolah dulu…. you rasa cikgu skang ni mcm tu ker???

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