Dear diary – mess

1 07 2008

Dear diary,

I would want to automate and give no details about anything from now on. I really should. The time is soon to come. I am good now. My definition of “good” is something that could always be worse, but could be better. If it was EXCELLENT or TERRIBLE, we’d use those words. Is there not one detail that you can share about your day? I asked and if you gave me lame answers, then I won’t fucking bother. 

I’m waiting at the crosswalk for the sign to say “WALK”. Maybe i shouldn’t wait and just do it. I don’t see anyone bother to ask, so why should I? Maybe I’ll wait and see and decide. OK. Look bitch, I am just trying to be nice. I can do it on my own, you know. That’s what i’ve been doing my whole life, but then again karma is a bitch and it hits hard. So I’m trying to be nice here. You feel virile and sexy, dangerous and on the edge, then thats your fucking business.

I’m genuinely a pain in the butt from time to time. But when i am nice, I am nice. I don’t spend a lot of time fakin’ it up for folks.  It’s just not me and, to be honest, I’m too lazy for all that. I am now calculating my life after October. I might go home once in a while, then again, this is my opportunity to live large like I used to. I refuse to give any more energy to please people, unless its worth pleasing.

I guess that’s a good thing.

Ted Baker

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